We were having dinner with some friends tonight and somehow the topic of my son, Isaiah, came up. I was commenting on how much Isaiah mimics and looks up to me. It's really obvious. He's 8 years old and he loves spending time with me, watching movies with me, surfing YouTube for stupid videos with me, hugging on me, and trying to make me laugh. I really enjoy my time with him, too. He loves the fact that I'm a youth pastor and has decided he wants to be the same when he gets older + something else. He always says, "I want to be a youth pastor and a rock star" or "youth pastor and make movies" or "youth pastor and a bounty hunter." He told Pastor Joe the other day that he didn't want to be a pastor because youth pastors get to have fun and pastors just work all the time.
He really is into whatever I'm into and is always trying to be just like me. I love it! Mollie's great too (but I'll write about her another time).
I was thinking tonight that I wish my attitude about Jesus was like Isaiah's attitude about me. I talk a big game about trying to be Christ-like, but I am so far off the mark it's sad. I want to be compassionate, but I'm not. I want to be the selfless servant, but I'm not. I want to be an encourager, but I'm not. I want to love people naturally, but I don't. I try (sometimes), but I feel like I consistently come up short.
Maybe that's just the way things are, though. I don't feel like I'll ever measure up to my own Dad, either. Maybe Isaiah will always feel like he never measures up to me. Maybe it's the same with Jesus. I hold him up so high, that he's unattainable. I just don't know where else to hold him. I wonder if there's a balance I need to find in seeing Jesus as a God and man. I do, but maybe if I thought of him more often as "man", his example would seem more real to me - like it was something I could actually be. Then again, maybe he's unattainable because I always want to be Jesus + something else. I want to be Jesus and a pastor. I want to be Jesus and a family man. I want to be Jesus and a bounty hunter...