15 Ways to Destroy Your Marriage

A few days ago I wrote a post called How to Stay Married for 15 Years. It was our 15th anniversary and I wanted to write something special for Jamie and hopefully give some tips to my brothers-in-arms (or brothers-in-rings?). I've received a lot of positive comments on that post. Since I'm generally uncomfortable with too much praise, and in the interest of truth in advertising, I thought I'd write a post about the flip side of that coin.

The truth is, the first half of those 15 years I was a miserable failure as a husband. So here are some field-tested tips on destroying your marriage. I wish I could say I wasn't guilty of every one of them, but I am. All I can do is spend the final 70+ years of my marriage trying every day to make up for the first 7.
  1. Mentally check out of your marriage and pile 90% of the responsibility on her.
  2. Think of your own wants/needs before your wife's. Live your life selfishly like you're still 19 and single.
  3. In every big fight, say that one thing you know will cut her to the heart. It's different for every woman, but you know what it is. (Learning to fight fair is one of the best things you can do for your marriage.)
  4. Constantly compare your wife to every other woman you meet.
  5. Become more concerned with having the appearance of a happy marriage, than actually having one.
  6. Convince yourself that since you're not paying for it and it's only once in a while, you don't have a problem with porn.
  7. Make lots of inappropriate jokes to your friends about what a drag your wife is.
  8. Allow yourself to get involved in emotional affairs with other women by having deep conversations with them. All the while your wife is wishing you would turn off the TV and open up to her.
  9. Make fun of your wife's dreams and crush her spirit.
  10. You think you're funny and sarcastic, but the truth is you've just turned into a mean s.o.b.
  11. Become so spiritually bankrupt that your wife has to practically drag you to church.
  12. When you're not getting what you want, act like a spoiled brat and throw out the D-word (divorce).
  13. Never lift a finger to help your wife with the house and the kids, even when she's working a full-time job, too.
  14. Become so numb to her pain, that you don't listen anymore.
  15. Go out with your buddies more than you go out with her.
I write every one of these with pain in my heart right now. I thank God constantly that He brought me out of that. Guys, other than the salvation of your soul, your wife is the greatest gift God ever gave you. She's precious and valuable. Treat her as if she is!


Jamie said...


You've more than made up for everything on this list, baby! You've become an incredible spiritual leader who challenges me and raises my standards in life, love, marriage, parenting, and more. It's no secret that I shared responsibility in our struggles. I'm thankful for the million-and-one 2nd chances. I can honestly say that I'm completely and totally a better person because of you, and we as a couple are stronger for finding our way through the many things you mentioned in this post (and more). I love you with all my heart.

Shenandoah bed and breakfast said...

This is really a great article and all the things you have written is perfectly right and we must eradicate all our mistake and be a good husband and do love our wives and care her.